Metal Gear MSX2 - Steam Port Review

PART I

INTERLUDE (。・ω・。)

In the current world, stricken by the greed of corporations, we have entered a consumerist paradise for the fans of Funko Pops™ and Reddit.

Industry geniuses such as Konami are ready to publish moldy products from 30 years ago onto the market out of fear and inability to create anything new, and to receive free money.

Metal Gear Master Collection is a glorified series of ports. For Metal Gear 1 and 2, they cut out an already existing port that was available in MGS 3 Subsistence on PS2, which apparently was a mobile port, and started selling them separately.
The game was included as a side content on a second disc for the game title!

But do not worry – the brilliant marketers and people living by the path of a business mindset started selling it to the goyim for 6.67 euros per game: 20 euros for a collection of three games.

PART II

REVIEW (。・ω・。)

The entire plot of Metal Gear 1 sums up in 13 pages w(ﾟДﾟ)w

Having given in to temptation, on the advice of trusted business investors, I purchased this digitized cartridge.

Choking on greed, with my grasping paws I pressed the start button.

In the end, I received the privilege of trying out a .txt file from MGS 1.

The game is a classic adventure and metroidvania amalgamation. To be fair there is no “stealth” in the title.
Therefore the core stealth mechanic is leaving an area as soon as the enemy spots you, as the alarm completely resets. This is despite the fact that some sections do not imply stealth gameplay at all and are easier to run through with a ration in hand.

One should also not forget the classic formula of all Metal Gears – endless backtracking, returning to previous locations, dailies before dailies. All for the sake of the need to open a new door, behind which there is yet another door.

For each door, a separate key card was designed, which applies SPECIFICALLY to only these doors.

After finding a level-eight key card, you will be able to open only level-eight doors, which is why you have to scroll through the ENTIRE inventory of IDENTICAL looking key cards in the hope of finding the correct one. There is ZERO indication of which cards open which doors.

So what actually poses a threat in the game? Don’t think it’s the bosses – no, there is a total of 8 of them and are incapable of dealing with a degenerate standing in a corner and spamming a single button.

Pits.

In the game, the most frequent causes of death and restarts are invisible pits. And giant metal sausages.
These two deeply well-thought-out enemies annihilate Snake by touching a single pixel of his skin.

The WORST enemy in the game

The game has fairly cool music. Not Buck Bumble, but three brown notes are catchy. I liked it the most, and they way it changes from stealth to alert version is neat.

PART III

SUMMARY (。・ω・。)

If you are a victim of a lobotomy, and at the sight of achievements the only remaining brain fold bursts with happiness, hurry up and spend your money. You go queen!

Combat neuro-psychoid augmentations forced me to write such a review. But if you considered this a hate letter, then your consumer-grade neuro-psychoid augmentations made you think so. One can get enjoyment out of the game, which I allowed myself to do.

My laziness knows no bounds – something Konami can brag about. But I am not greedy; that is something they cannot brag about.